Spinsterblog

I’m going to ignore yesterday’s baseball debacles (for the most part) and focus on the beauty that was Saturday’s ass-whooping of the Yankees by the Devil Rays.

You know, when the team with nearly the worst record in baseball crushes your second place team with a score of 19-6, it’s pretty humiliating. But I really feel that the most humiliating part of this series for the Yankees was Tomas Perez.

Don’t know who Tomas Perez is?  That’s okay–you haven’t missed a big memo.  Perez plays Shortstop/Second Base for the Rays this year. For most of the season he’s been batting around .190, with 9 RBIs. So you can see why he’s the backup.

However, it seems that Tomas Perez owns the Yankees.  He came into Saturday’s game with a whopping .194 batting average. He then proceeded to beat the crap out of Yankees pitching. On Saturday he was five for five with four doubles, two RBIs, and he scored four times. Yesterday he went three for four with an RBI.  The man now has a batting average of .232, after playing the Yankees this weekend. And that, my friends, is a thing of beauty.  I raise a virtual glass of beer to you, Tomas.

I hate the trade deadline.  It’s giving me an ulcer (have I mentioned?). And not the kind of ulcer I get when Rudy Seanaz comes into a game and I know that, for better or (more likely) for worse, it will all be over soon.

No, this is the kind of ulcer I get when some boy is stalking me wherever I go (What?  It totally happens all the time because the boys love me) and I start to get jumpy and expect horror or (less likely) happiness and joy every time I turn the corner.  Read more…

Co-workers should not be allowed to make microwave popcorn in the afternoon. Look, I’m glad you have an afternoon snack to enjoy, but is there a reason you need to torment me with its delicious buttery smell wafting through the hallway?  No. So unless you have enough to share with the class, go eat some Corn Nuts or something.

The trading deadline gives me an ulcer.

Those Mike Lowell rumors have died down, THANK GOD, so I can stop worrying about that. Instead I’m focusing on these ridiculous Julio-Lugo-to-Boston rumors than make me want to stab myself in the eye.

[Note: In case you didn't already realize, Sara, you can skip this entry completely.]

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Dear Tampa Bay Devil Rays:

You have some really great position players, you know?  Some great batters, great fielders, and that Carl Crawford is a speed demon. And amongst those great batters we can include Aubrey Huff, who is one of only five lefthanded hitters in the majors to average more than 100 RBI the last three seasons.  (The other ones, in case you’re interested: David Ortiz, Carlos Delgado, Hideki Matsui and Bobby Abreu.) He is Tampa Bay’s career leader in games (798), at bats (3,016), runs (399), hits (868), doubles (173), home runs (128), extra-base hits (307) and RBIs (449).

And now he’s going to be playing for the Houston Astros.

And what did the Devil Rays get in return for one of their best bats? Two MINOR LEAGUE PLAYERS. You’d think maybe two AAA pitchers? Or at least one for us to use maybe next season, but you’d think wrong.  We got two DOUBLE-A players, a pitcher and an infielder, with decent (but not awe-inspiring) numbers.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays, we are so in a fight. And if you even consider the possibility of trading Crawford or Baldelli, we’re through.

But, if you’re looking for trades, perhaps now’s a good time to get rid of that wife-beating Julio Lugo.

Sincerely,
Mel

It’s the All Star Game! Oh, the excitement!

Before I actually talk about the ASG, Danielle has a nice ranty post about Manny Ramirez over at her new blog, Best. Girlfriend. Ever. Go check it out!

Anyway, the All Star Game is important! It COUNTS!1!11!! I know this because Major League Baseball has beat it into my head over and over that I feel the need to shout it every time someone mentions the game, like I’m some sort of Pavlovian baseball dog. And if you didn’t believe them, you know it’s true because A-Rod went 0-for the game.*

I, personally, love the All Star Game, and yet I didn’t watch more than an inning of the actual game (which I’ll get to in a sec). Because, you see, while I love baseball, I also love babies. “But Mel,” you might ask, “what do babies have to do with baseball?  I’ve watched many baseball games and the only thing I can think of it that small children may be frightened by Tim McCarver.”

Allow me to explain. With pictures!

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