Spinsterblog

Following in the illustrious path of Curt Schilling, Kevin Youkilis has created a blog: Yooooouuuuukkkkk. There are no words for the amount of excitement that this brings me. Especially because with just the first entry, he has achieved a whole new level of awesome by talking smack about Dustin Pedroia.

The entry brings us this gem:

I’ve already proven I’m faster than Dustin but, who knows, maybe we can have a race for charity sometime.

OMG, please. I would pay even more money to see that than I would for Youk to shave that crap off of his chin. I would pay all kinds of cash to cancer research or whatever for the opportunity to watch Kevin Youkilis and Dustin Pedroia lumber down the basepaths like the giant President mascots at gNats games. Please, please, please, Youk. Do it for the children.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a new tale to share in the Saga of Mel and Her Baseball Cap. Last weekend, I went down to a little park by the water to read. As it is finally sunshiney and summery here, I had my Sox cap on. I walked past this middle-aged man who was reading the paper, and the following conversation happened.

Guy: [pointing] HEY! Boston!
Mel: Yup.
Guy: They’re in first place.
Mel: [long pause] Great, isn’t it?

Okay, so let’s be clear.  When I had my dreams of using my ballcap to start conversations with cute boys, this is not what I meant. I meant that we could chat about Kevin Youkilis’ OBP and how great Josh Beckett has been this season. Considering what a bitch I can be, I feel I showed great restraint in not replying, “Umm, yeah. No shit.”

So, guys. When you see me wearing a ballcap, please don’t patronize me. I mean, sure, maybe if Saturday night the Sox had won a game that finally moved them into first place, THEN you oculd have informed me, in case I didn’t know. But, seriously, man, when the sox were TEN GAMES UP, I really didn’t need a newsflash.  The cap is not pink, my t-shirt did NOT say “Mrs. Damon,” and I do actually watch almost every single game. So if you could maybe not assume that I am a blithering idiot when it comes to baseball, that would be great. kthxbye.

So, a few years ago–in fact, it may have been the TB/Boston brawl game in 2005 that Danielle and I attended–I went on this whole rant about HBPs and how teams shouldn’t retaliate, and why can’t someone be the more responsible party…blah blah blah.

Let us fast forward to last night, where I called Danielle in a tizzy because Kevin Youkilis had been hit by a pitch. And for no reason other than the fact that his team is awesome. I gave up on my whole “live and let live” thing and started calling for JoshBECKETT to bean someone in the head with a 97-mph-fastball, because they hurt poor little Kevin Youkilis. That is NOT COOL. Clearly someone should be out for blood, and I choose Beckett. Because you KNOW it had to be bad if Youk came out of the game. Usually he’s got, like, a broken arm with the bone protruding from the skin and he just ignores Terry Francona so that they won’t pull him.

And, of course, this makes me feel guilt, because clearly this is my fault. It is *possible* that just yesterday I was asked who my favorite player was, and I had to explain that I couldn’t have one, but my LEAST favorite player was Kevin Youkilis. What the hell, baseball gods? Now my least favorites are getting injured, too? 

Watch out, A-Rod!!