Spinsterblog

You know–I was excited when Theo traded Wily Mo Pena to the Nationals–until I realized it is clear that WMP is stalking me so that he can finish what he started.

Other than that, though, I have been chortling with glee that we got him for something better than a bag of candy: we traded for a washed-up former sci-fi producer. (I, personally, plan on attending any game Chris Carter plays in with a giant THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE poster.)

But how am I supposed to keep up my WMP-is-gone celebration when he does things like this:

To my sisters, brothers and fans of the Red Sox [team stats] Nation. I want to take a moment to thank you and the entire Red Sox organization for your support during my time in Boston. Your constant passion for baseball and your beloved Red Sox is unmatched and has touched me deeply. I will always consider you with a special place in my heart.

The Red Sox organization deserves only the best and the Red Sox Nation is just that. Peace in life, Wily Modesto Pena.

That just warms the cockles of my heart, y’all. It makes me feel guilty for bitching about how poorly he played in the outfield, what with the way he wandered around looking more lost than me at a gym. I feel sad that I ever complained about his inability to make contact with a pitch, instead flailing wildly at it. I regret every time I expressed wonder and shock and awe that he actually managed to lay off balls and work a walk.

And then I remember that he tried to kill me and I’m over it.

It’s the annual WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio Telethon today! Proceeds from this telethon will go to the Jimmy Fund at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. You can get more information and donate here.

If you’ve never watched Firefly–well, what are you waiting for? But even if you didn’t watch the TV show, you can still watch the movie, Serenity, as Joss Whedon will very helpfully explain things for you at the beginning (okay, he never really explains that Inara is a whore, but I’m telling you know, so you’re set). It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s action-packed. And if you have seen the movie and even own the DVD, you should buy the collector’s edition on Tuesday anyway. Don’t believe me? Here are 25 reasons that you should.

Youk punches Gagne

Originally uploaded by emmyl658

I was at the Red Sox/Orioles game on Sunday with Ellen. That’s pretty much all I have to say about that.

Instead of actual content or a rant involving the words “Eric Gagne” and any number of expletives, I bring cheering Red Sox links. (I swear that at some point I will compose an entry not involving a list.)

1. Last night’s box score. I believe that everyone who skipped last night’s game because they thought Wakefield would suck (Danielle.) owes Timmy an apology. He is also owed an apology by EVERY SINGLE SPORTS NEWS ORGANIZATION IN THE WORLD, who all collectively felt it necessary to announce that he had a no-hitter going after the sixth inning.

2. Allow me to point you towards this week’s Friendly’s Scoop with Jonathan Papelbon, wherein Papelbon interviews Kevin Millar about who the sexiest member of the Red Sox is, and Kevin Millar refers to Kevin Youkilis’ Milk-Dud-head. That is comedy gold, y’all.

3. Respect the Tek has a list of happy-making things about this year’s Boston Red Sox.

4. David Ortiz is awesome. Who else would drop to the ground to get away from an inside pitch–and then do pushups while he was down on the ground?

According to a major league source, Wily Mo Pena has cleared trade waivers, meaning any team is free to negotiate a deal with the Red Sox for the outfielder before the end of the month.

1. A half-decent outfielder.
2. A mediocre outfielder.
3. Someone who doesn’t look lost when trying to catch a baseball.
4. Me.
5. A box of rocks.
6. A bag of candy.
7. A soft drink–with or without refills.
8. A Swiffer.
9. A subscription to Reader’s Digest.
10. A handful of cotton balls.

* And Danielle’s too–some of these are hers. I would like to add that my irritation with WMP comes partly with the fact that he tried to kill me, but mostly from the fact that he plays the outfield like one of those Family Circus cartoons where Billy meanders all over the neighborhood instead of going straight to where he’s supposed to.

Like heaven

Originally uploaded by emmyl658

Things that I am currently excited about:
1. Eric Gagne in the Sox pen (even though I am consistently typing his name “Gange”). My friend Lesley loves him and he was adorable when Pedroia kicked his ass and hit that HR off of him earlier this year, so I approve. Oh, also I hear he’s not too bad of a pitcher.

2. Putting up a new layout. I’m bored with the glove. [ETA that I am less excited by my inability to make this new theme work correctly. Pardon the dust and random characters.]

3. The Devil Rays. Shut up–we are still broken up. However, they are wooing me to try to win me back. Yes, they lost, but the wooing is coming in the form of Carl Crawford hitting home runs with a sprained wrist. It’s like chocolate and roses.

4. Pretty pictures. I forgot to post about how Danielle and I went to Fenway the other weekend, and Ellen’s awesome usher friend got us seats five rows back from the Red Sox dugout. But you can see many more pictures at flickr.

5. Message board fun. Speaking of Ellen, she has a pretty new message board on her website. Again, if I do say so myself.

6. Facebook. I would have drawn the line at myspace, but Laurie told me how our high school class had a group there, and Facebook isn’t attacking me with ads and smileys and stupidity, so I’m enjoying it about a million times more.

Things I am less excited about:
1. Losing David Murphy. Not because I feel he’s irreplaceable as a player, but because I liked his enthusiasm and the way he wore his socks up. Memo to Eric Gange: Sox up mojo is cool. Please try it. And please tell Kevin Youkilis he needs to wear his socks up as well.

2. Devil Rays fans. Y’all, Julio Lugo played his mediocre shortstop ass off for your team for YEARS and then management traded him to the Dodgers. THEY traded HIM. So please do not BOO HIM when he returns to the Trop, because it wasn’t his choice, you dumbasses. And in what crazy universe am I defending Julio Lugo and feeling sorry for him?