That’s alright. I have more scotch.
Published Date: October 15th, 2008Category: Baseball, Silliness
So, tomorrow night’s Red Sox/Rays game will have everyone nervous. On one hand, you have the Red Sox facing elimination. On the other hand, you have Rays fans who know that the Red Sox *enjoy* living on the edge like that. And I’m pretty sure that means everyone will be driven to drink.
And so I present to you:
Because You Will Be in the Hospital
Take a drink every time Buck Martinez’ “analysis” involves him repeating what Terry Francona/Joe Maddon/someone else said word for word.
Take a drink if they mention how old the Red Sox are or how young the Rays are. Take two drinks if they mention those things in contrast to each other.
Take a drink every time you see and ad for DirecTV, Blackberry, or Viagra. Wait, on second though, eat a cookie instead, because otherwise you might DIE. You should also eat a cookie every time the “three times more channels” thing makes your skin crawl.
Take a drink whenever the TBS announcers pronounce David Ortiz’ last name as OR-tiz. Take two drinks if they get someone’s name wrong. Take a shot if they seem totally unable to call the player by his correct name, even when it’s on the onscreen graphic. Take two shots if the player in reference is poor Kevin Cash, who was called about seven different things last night, none of them actually his name.
Take a drink whenever the TBS announcers mention that the Red Sox have been in this situation before. Take two drinks when they mention how last year they were down 3-1 against the Indians and still won. Take a shot if they fail to mention how they were down 3-0 in 2004 and managed to win, even though it had NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE in professional baseball.
Take a drink whenever they follow up the “down in the series” talk with a mention of how “this is a different team.” Take two drinks if this includes a reference to Manny Ramirez.
Take a drink whenever the TBS announcers refer to to the Rays as “the upstart Rays.” Take two drinks if they use the word “Cinderella.” Take a shot if they mention that the Rays managed to win in the AL East and so they are used to playing the Red Sox in high pressure situations.
Take a drink every time there is a pitching change. If you are a Red Sox fan, finish the bottle if Mike Timlin comes in. If you are a Rays fan, do the same if you see Edwin Jackson.
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2 Responses to “That’s alright. I have more scotch.”
Take two shots if the player in reference is poor Kevin Cash
The best was when one of them followed up “Dan Cash” by saying that he’d “had him” (ahem) in Spring Training one year. Yet still, you cannot remember his name. Did no one provide you with a lineup card?
I have to say though, this game will not kill you. The reason I know this is because I have been playing it. I also like to drink at full counts and whenever someone leaves men on base. Oh, and at the phrase “worst to first” yesterday I had to drink three times in thirty seconds.
Awesome. And deadly. And I’m going with Erin’s “Drink on the full counts” game. We had other ones, but the suck that was The Timlin Outings (good name for a series of horror stories) has wiped all sense from my mind.
I feel a Sox-specific one should be “baserunner reaches to lead off inning, and ends inning standing in the same goddamn place.”